Posted in Uncategorized

“You are too strong for a woman.”

I have always been told that I have a strong personality. So strong that it scares people off, it intimidates them. I never felt bad hearing this kind of remark, I’ve always took it as a compliment. But recently, a friend just told me that maybe the reason why I am not in a relationship is because I possess a personality that is too strong for a woman.

Since when has personality become gender-based? Since when has being strong become a quality that only a man can possess? This remark angered me in more ways that I thought it could. It agitated me when I realized that at this point in time, misogyny is still widespread. That there are still people who believe that men are superior than women.

Guess what? It’s 2016 and a lot of women are stronger than men and it has always been this way since the beginning of time. Strength has never been a trait that is gender-based.

Men and people in general should make peace with the notion that women are entitled to be strong, as much as they want to be and as much as they could. Women weren’t born to be slaves to men and women will never and shall never submit themselves to men. Women are strong enough not to need a man nor to run after someone who broke them.

Women are strong and they can never be TOO strong for their gender.
WOMEN ARE STRONG BECAUSE THEY ARE WOMEN.

I am strong because I am a woman and I will never be TOO strong.

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized

Once lost; got found.

Looking back to all the years that has passed, I realized I was never the go with the flow type of woman. I was always the one who had everything planned, and when something doesn’t go the way I planned it, I panic. and that’s just me. 2016 came and most of the time, my life didn’t really go the way I wanted it to… the way I have always planned it.

I was expecting to go abroad for my internship, so I could spend summer with my grandparents. But for some reasons, I wasn’t able to make that happen. I applied for NGOs that I thought would best cater my interest in Humanitarian Aid, got accepted, got ditched. I was already at the point of my life where I was so hopeless for my future, thinking I will never be who I’ve always wanted to become.

I’ve created relationships and friendships with people who I thought would understand me and will always be there for me, but I eventually lost them. What could possibly go wrong, right?

My life didn’t go the way I planned it. Maybe you think I should be asking God why. I would be lying if I said I didn’t. I did, but I eventually saw why. I started  letting him do the work for me. I realized maybe my plans doesn’t really matter at all. God has everything planned out for me and all He ever wanted was for me to put my trust in Him.

With that realization, I prayed. I asked for guidance and for courage. Courage to let Him take the wheel, courage to let Him take me wherever he intended me to be.

For days I prayed and still, nothing has ever happened. I should be giving up by that time, but I wasn’t.

Fast forward to a few months and I’ve already landed an internship to one of the most vital humanitarian international organizations in my field. It took a lot of courage and hard work to be where I am right now, but I made it.

The day I stepped in that office, I instantly fell in love. I fell in love with the people, I fell in love with the workplace, and I fell in love with the work. I thought it was impossible to be a part of this organization but turns out it isn’t. God’s plan is the best plan, indeed. and I couldn’t thank Him enough.

All the relationships He ended, all the opportunities I never got, it all happened for a reason. The reason is here today. I’m in a much better place now. I’ve found my calling. I will dedicate the rest of my years doing something that could not only benefit me, but also the people around me who are in need. No matter how hard… despite all the tears I’ve shed because of the fatigue… I am happy, I am fulfilled, and that’s how I knew that I am exactly where He wants me to be. I am finally taking the right path.

Whatever happens to me on my journey of finding my purpose and doing something that I really love, there will always be something that I will forever hold onto.. and that is God’s hand, I’ll let him take me wherever he wants me to be. Because I know that he will never take me to the wrong path.

2016-03-24 02.36.35 1.jpg

 

Posted in Uncategorized

image

She was sitting on the corner of her bed, her hair falling smoothly just above her shoulders and her gaze fixed on the small cylindrical container above her desk. She was about to reach for the container, but she heard a small voice as the door creaked open. She turned her head towards the door and flashed a weak smile, holding out her right hand to reach for the little lady that is looking at her. She carried the girl to her lap and ran her hand through her soft curls, pressing a soft kiss just above her temples.

“Mom, what are those?” The child asked. Her voice full of curiosity as she pointed her finger towards the small cylindrical container that her mom was about to pick up just a few minutes ago. The girl stayed silent as she waits for an answer. She then grabbed the container and spoke once more, “Are these medicines? Why are they locked?”

The woman let out a sigh as she watched her daughter trying to open the container. She shook her head and took the medicine from her little baby. “Yes, those are medicines. And they are locked because naughty children like you might drink them without permission.” She chuckled.

The little brunette’s eyes widened with shock as she hear her mother speak. “What will happen if I drink those medicines, mom?” She mumbled. “You might get sick and may die if you drink too much.” Her mother answered, expecting a loud gasp from her child, but surprisingly heard nothing. Rather, the girl jumped from her mother’s lap to stand in front of her, putting her mother’s face between her palm and looking at her with worry. She whispered, tears forming on the side of her big brown eyes,

“Mom, these medicines should be in the trash. Because you know how to open them. You’re older and much sadder.”

Posted in School

University Shenanigans

This goes out to all the incoming college students around the globe and to my 16-year-old self. It’s that time of the year again when graduating highschool students are probably starting to think about what degree they’re going to take up, and which university they’re going to.

On this blog post I’m going to list down the things I wish somebody told me before I entered the university and also the things I’ve learned throughout my 4-year stay on college. I am not an expert on college or anything, but I’m going to talk you through my experiences and mistakes, with hopes that you won’t commit the same mistakes as well.

First thing that you should ask yourself before entering a university:

“Who do I want to be someday?”

As cliché as it sounds, yes, you need to ask yourself this before anything else. You might have heard this question way back when you were still 5 years of age and answered, “I want to be a doctor.” However, that’s probably not the case now. You have grown a lot with experiences and struggles that came with the highschool package. Those experiences probably changed your perspective on what you want to be.

College is a 4-year-investment (or more, depending on the program you’re planning to take up). Not only of money but also time and effort. So, it is important to know what your passion really is and I can guarantee, your passion would go a long way. You don’t have to be specifically good at the field you’re planning to take in order to qualify, as long as you enjoy it and you are eager to learn more, then you’re on the right track.

There’s no rush in making this decisions, since this is a life changing one. Some people take their time to decide by taking a few years of break, maybe doing some soul searching. It’s okay to do that as long as you know in your heart that you’re going to go back to studying eventually. This is a crucial step, so make sure to pick the right choice.

Next thing that you need to do is to have the right mindset. Easy for me to say, but based from my experience transitioning my mindset from highschool to college is a tough work. From being the “cool kid” that I was in highschool, I had it easy. I didn’t have to study for exams, I never cared about the deadlines or even the number of absences. Merely because of the fact that I was sure that my teachers are going to make some considerations. In highschool, I was able to have a boyfriend, a social life and at the same timex good grades. But when I stepped into the college soil, I must say everything is different.

It’s a no-joke whenever people say that college is not easy, that college is way different than highschool. I even had to stop studying for a year in order to have the right mindset. Because basically, all I did on my first semester in college is chill out. I still had that highschool mindset that the professors would give considerations, when the truth is in college, they don’t really care about your reasons.

You see, I entered the university with the assurance of what I really wanted to be. I was sure of what I want to become, but that alone wasn’t enough. A right mindset should come along with that passion. So, it is important to really talk yourself through this. Reading blogs like this would be a great help in conditioning your mind and body for what college has in store for you.

You might say that with all the hardwork that comes along with the first two aspects that I have listed, you will be able to survive the university life. But no. As I’ve said, it is years of investment and the hardwork doesn’t stop on the first years. Hardwork should last until the day of your graduation.

One important aspect that you need to take into consideration while in the middle of that 4-year-struggle is Time Management.

Another cliché thing, I guess? But there’s no lie in that. In highschool, you might have been an active participant to all the school activities. Might be some student organizations, sports, or quiz bees. Those things that contributed to all your free time at school because you were excused from attending classes. I would not say that it is impossible to take part into extra curricular activities like that in college, but I should say that it takes a lot of work.

As an active student leader in one of our university organizations, I must say that it’s going to be much harder to qualify in University Organizations unlike in highschool. It would really take some skill to get in, but trust is the key! Trust yourself and your skills. You can do it!

Second, being a part of University Organizations comes with responsibilities and responsibilities go alongside effort. Here comes the importance of proper time management.

With all the nerve-wracking exams and late night studying, it is important to still be able to give your mind a rest and give other aspects of your life a chance to cope up. You might want to engage in sports related or even leadership activities inside (or even outside) the university, or go our for a late night partying with your friends. Go! Do not let college take your life away from you. Go out there! As long as you’re done with all your requirements. Yes, I’m sorry. But you should make sure that you’re done with all your schoolworks in order to deserve some booze. Also, make sure that you can still manage to attend your classes the next day despite the hangover. *wink*

After mastering the art of passion, mindset and time management, there’s still some stuff to do and the most important is to ask yourself:

Am I who I wanted to be?

It is important to look at yourself in the mirror and examine if you are able to achieve the person you were trying to become the first day you stepped into the university soil. If you are able to tell yourself “Yes, I am now who I wanted to be!” Then good job, congratulations! You did a great job! You survived! You are now where you are supposed to be despite all your struggles.

Tough work? I guess so. But it will all be worth it. I promise you! Maybe those are not the only things to consider in surviving college, but it could be a good starter. Trust me. But don’t be scared. University life is fun. It is a good way to prepare yourself for the tough world out there. Besides, knowledge is everything! And believe me, once you’ve finished college? You can say that you can get through everything. Because entering a university and getting out of it alive will make you well-equipped for the challenges that life is about to throw at you afterwards.

Goodluck on your University Life!
Don’t forget to enjoy! x

Posted in Uncategorized

A piece of my pain.

When I was in 1st grade, I thought the most painful thing I will ever experience was having the dentist pull my tooth out.
When I was in 4th grade, I thought it was being called names and being bullied.
I reached 6th grade and I thought it was graduating without honors.
Highschool came and a lot of painful things happened.
Cheating boyfriends, Backstabbing friends, Judgmental schoolmates.
I’ve reached college and thought nothing could break me anymore because I’ve already had too much in the past.
But then there goes the feeling of not being good enough and not having anybody. The feeling of always being wrong.
They’ve all hurt.
Each and everytime I thought it was already the hardest, the most painful one.
But I’ve always got it wrong, the next one would always be more painful than the first.

February 24, 2015 came.
A call is all it took for me to forget about all the things that have hurt me in the past.
A call is all it took to make me realize that nothing… Nothing has really ever broke me.
A call saying that my Dad was gone.
That’s when I realized that I’ve never really felt real pain. I’ve never really had my heart shattered. Not until the day my Dad died.
The only man who was always there for me and never leaves, already left.
Was…
Was.
It’s devastatingly amusing how quick the ‘is’ have turned to ‘was’.
He is strong. He was strong.
He is here. He was here.

“I’m okay.”
“He’s in a better place now. I’m happy.”
“I’m fine.”
Lies.
Obligatory lies.

I’m not okay. I was never okay.
I’m not the same person anymore.
The Marge of February 23 isn’t the same with the Marge of February 24 onwards.
Because when Dad died, he brought pieces of me with him.
Pieces I know I wouldn’t be able to get back anymore.

I would be lying if I’ll say I understand why he decided to finally let go.
Was he already tired? Did he already suffer too much?
Maybe.
But did he even think about me before he did that?
Did he even think of how it would affect me?
How it would break me?
Did he have second thoughts because he realized he still wants to see me graduate?
Did he even had a choice?
We’ll never know.

At first I was mad.
I was so mad because I couldn’t find anybody to blame.
It’s nobody’s fault.
Until I got mad at myself for being too selfish.
For wanting him back even if I know he endured too much pain already.
For doubting his love for me.
For not loving him enough when he was still here.

Dad taught me how to be strong and independent.
He taught me how to believe in myself.
He taught me the feeling of REAL PAIN.
But he never taught me how to live a life without him.
How to be happy knowing that he isn’t there anymore.
How to endure the pain of losing a father.

I miss my Dad.
I really do.
In fact, I never stopped messaging him since he died.
He was supposed to be turning 53 today.
And I never stopped recalling the sound of his voice and his laugh inside my head.
I will keep on recalling it as long as I still can.
I must admit it terrifies me that I feel like I can never go back to my old happy self anymore.
That I’ll never stop mourning.

The pain of losing him is unbearable.
It still hurts. It hurts every single day.
Will I ever be able to go on?
Will I ever be able to stop crying and yearning for his presence?
Will the wounds ever heal?

Happy Birthday, Daddy.
I love you so much.